Concurring Your Mind: 10 Negative Thoughts

Alicia Marlieb, M.Ed • May 19, 2018
A man with a beard is sitting on a couch with his hands on his chin.

Cognitive therapy focused on altering your thoughts from a negative to a more positive alternative. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most effective, research proven intervention in counseling for depression and anxiety, among many other mental health issues. CBT can help you find motivation, manage your symptoms, improve your mood, decrease your stress, provide support and help assist you in relieving your depression or anxiety. Call (954) 507-0144 for more information!

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I think all of us can agree that sometimes you mind can be your best friend or your biggest enemy. When we start a goal we are motivated to change. We are thinking positively and hopeful about the future. Over time, that will power is not enough and we go back to our negative thought patterns that took us off track from our goal the first time. Therefore, the first step to any change is conquering your mind. Humans by nature are pessimists. All of us think negative from time to time, some more than others. In order to move forward we have to fight that with more positive alternative thoughts. Can't I just tell myself "stop thinking that, stop thinking that." The answer is no! If I tell you to not think about a pink elephant now all you can do is think about it. Your brain processed the "pink elephant" and not the "not."

In counseling, we learn that first we have recognize when we are having these negative thoughts in order to start changing them. Sometimes they are so common and natural for us we don't even realize when they are happening. You have to know you have a problem so you can change that problem. Here are the 10 most common negative thought patterns bought to you in collaboration with Dr. Hovi Shroff.

1. All-or-nothing thinking – You see things in black-or-white. Everything is either all good or all bad. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure. When a young woman on a diet ate a spoonful of ice cream, she said to herself, “I’ve blown my diet completely.” This thought upset her so much that she gobbled down an entire quart of ice cream.

2. Overgeneralization – You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as “always” or “never” when you think about it. A depressed salesman became terribly upset when he noticed bird dung on the window of his car. He told himself, “Just my luck! Birds are always crapping on my car!”

3. Mental Filter – You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water. Example: You receive many positive comments about your presentation to a group of associates at work, but one of them says something mildly critical. You obsess about his reaction for days and ignore all the positive feedback.

4. Discounting the positive – You reject positive experiences by insisting that they “don’t count.” If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it wasn’t good enough or that anyone could have done as well. Discounting the positives takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.

5. Jumping to conclusions – You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. Mind Reading : Without checking it out, you conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you. Fortune-telling: You predict that things will turn out badly. Before a test you may tell yourself, “I’m really going to blow it. What if I flunk?” If you’re depressed you may tell yourself, “I’ll never get better.”

6. Magnification – You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimize the importance of your desirable qualities. This is also called the “binocular trick.”

7. Emotional Reasoning – You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel terrified about going on airplanes. It must be very dangerous to fly.” Or, “I feel guilty. I must be a rotten person.” Or, “I feel angry. This proves that I’m being treated unfairly.” Or, “I feel so inferior. This means I’m a second rate person.” Or, “I feel hopeless. I must really be hopeless.”

8. “Should” statements – You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. After playing a difficult piece on the piano, a gifted pianist told herself, “I shouldn’t have made so many mistakes.” This made her feel so disgusted that she quit practicing for several days. “Musts,” “oughts” and “have tos” are similar offenders.

“Should statements” that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people or the world in general, lead to anger and frustration: “He shouldn’t be so stubborn and argumentative!”

Many people try to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they were delinquents who had to be punished before they could be expected to do anything. “I shouldn’t eat that doughnut.” This usually doesn’t work because all these shoulds and musts make you feel rebellious and you get the urge to do just the opposite. I tell my client's all the time "should" is shaming. Dr. Albert Ellis has called this ” must erbation.” I call it the “shouldy” approach to life.

9. Labeling – Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” You might also label yourself “a fool” or “a failure” or “a jerk.” Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but “fools,” “losers” and “jerks” do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration and low self-esteem.

10. Personalization and Blame - Personalization comes when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn’t entirely under your control. When a woman received a note that her child was having difficulty in school, she told herself, “This shows what a bad mother I am,” instead of trying to pinpoint the cause of the problem so that she could be helpful to her child. When another woman’s husband beat her, she told herself, “If only I was better in bed, he wouldn’t beat me.” Personalization leads to guilt, shame and feelings of inadequacy.

Knowledge is power and now that you know your negative thoughts we can work on them. South Florida residents that are seeking help in increasing their mood and decreasing their anxiety can find support and individualized counseling treatment from Alicia Marlieb, M.Ed. She is a mental health counselor that has professional knowledge regarding depression and anxiety strategies including motivational therapy, client centered techniques, strength based interventions, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Additionally, Alicia Marlieb provides counseling techniques that help you mentally adjust to your current struggles and stress. She helps "rewire" your brain to alter behaviors and thoughts to promote happiness and overall wellness. Alicia Marlieb is located in Coral Springs, Florida. She can help clients to increase motivation and strengthen their mindset throughout their counseling journey for more information visit www.fitcounselingcoralsprings.com.

Spreading Positivity,


Alicia Marlieb, M.Ed., LMHC


Fit Therapy Counseling


(305) 447-7680


www.fitcounselingcoralsprings.com


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Decision Fatigue and Overthinking: Why Your Mind Feels Exhausted Before Noon

January 26, 2026
Many women often pride themselves on their ability to manage multiple responsibilities, make smart choices, and keep everything running smoothly. But for many, this constant mental load comes at a cost: by mid-morning, your mind may already feel foggy, exhausted, and overstimulated. Decision fatigue and overthinking are common experiences for women who have spent years navigating complex responsibilities, caring for others, or managing trauma-related patterns of hyper-vigilance and over-responsibility. Decision fatigue is exactly what it sounds like: when the brain becomes depleted from making too many choices, your mental energy runs low. Everyday decisions that might feel simple to others—what to eat, how to respond to emails, which task to tackle first—can start to feel overwhelming or emotionally heavy. Overthinking intensifies this, as you analyze, re-analyze, and mentally rehearse scenarios in an attempt to control outcomes. This cycle keeps your nervous system on high alert, leaving you feeling drained, frustrated, and sometimes disconnected from your own body. For women with trauma histories, this is even more pronounced. Childhood experiences that demanded hyper-vigilance, perfectionism, or caretaking often teach the nervous system that constant monitoring is necessary for safety or survival. As adults, the habit of overthinking and overanalyzing becomes automatic. Your mind constantly anticipates problems, strategizes solutions, and evaluates emotional outcomes—not just for yourself, but for everyone around you. The result is mental fatigue long before the day is half over. Over time, this cognitive exhaustion contributes to emotional burnout, irritability, and the inability to experience joy or satisfaction from achievements. You may notice yourself procrastinating on decisions, feeling paralyzed by options, or making impulsive choices simply to relieve the mental strain. Many high-functioning women silently judge themselves for this, thinking they “should be able to handle it,” but it’s important to recognize that this pattern is deeply rooted in survival strategies, not laziness or weakness. Breaking the cycle requires trauma-informed strategies that target both the brain and the body. Mindfulness practices can help you notice when your thoughts are spiraling and provide a pause before your nervous system reacts. CBT techniques can identify unhelpful thought patterns and reframe them in a way that reduces mental overload. EMDR therapy can address the early experiences that trained your nervous system to be hyper-vigilant, helping you create lasting neural pathways for calm and confidence. Small, intentional interventions—like limiting decisions in the morning, automating routines, or delegating tasks—also protect your cognitive energy and reduce the burden of mental overwork.  Remember, your mind isn’t failing you; it’s signaling that it has been overworked for far too long. Learning to manage decision fatigue and overthinking isn’t about being “better” at planning or controlling outcomes—it’s about creating safety in your body and mind so that daily choices don’t feel like an exhausting battle. Over time, these strategies allow high-functioning women to experience mental clarity, emotional ease, and freedom from the constant inner pressure to perform. If overthinking and decision fatigue are running your life, Fit Counseling offers trauma-informed therapy, EMDR, CBT, and mindfulness-based approaches to help high-functioning women restore mental clarity and calm. Virtual appointments are available across Florida, and insurance is accepted. Learn more at www.fitvirtualcounseling.com .

Rebuilding Your Self-Worth After Years of Being “The Strong One”

January 19, 2026
Many women carry an invisible weight: the identity of “the strong one.” This role may have started in childhood, when you were expected to keep the family functioning, manage emotional crises, or protect loved ones from stress. You learned to put your own needs aside to maintain peace, stability, or connection. Over time, this strength became part of your identity, but it also often eroded self-worth, emotional presence, and the ability to prioritize yourself without guilt. Rebuilding self-worth begins with recognizing the patterns that shaped this identity. Emotional neglect, trauma, and unbalanced caregiving teach you that your value is tied to what you do for others, rather than who you are. Many women carry shame about needing help or setting boundaries, which can prevent them from prioritizing themselves even when it’s critical for mental health. This internalized belief keeps the nervous system in hypervigilance, making rest, pleasure, and authenticity feel unsafe. Healing requires reparenting the parts of yourself that were expected to perform constantly. EMDR therapy can help access and process memories that maintain these limiting beliefs, allowing your nervous system to experience safety and self-compassion. Mindfulness and CBT strategies provide tools to identify when you’re overextending yourself and respond differently. Small, consistent acts of self-care—saying no, prioritizing rest, affirming your worth—gradually shift your internal narrative from “I must always be strong” to “I am inherently enough.” Rebuilding self-worth also involves understanding that strength does not require constant sacrifice. Vulnerability, connection, and asking for support are acts of courage, not weakness. Over time, integrating these practices allows high-functioning women to reclaim energy, deepen relationships, and experience life from a place of self-respect rather than performance. You can be strong without losing yourself in the process.  Fit Counseling supports women in reclaiming their self-worth through trauma-informed therapy, EMDR, CBT, and mindfulness-based approaches. Virtual sessions are available across Florida, with insurance accepted, to help you move from over-functioning to fully embodied, confident, and supported. Visit www.fitvirtualcounseling.com .

A Trauma-Informed Approach to Setting Goals You’ll Actually Keep in 2026

January 12, 2026
Every January, the world pushes people to set big resolutions: lose weight, work harder, earn more, hustle nonstop. But people — especially those with trauma histories — usually don’t struggle with motivation. They struggle with overwhelm, pressure, self-criticism, or nervous system shutdown that makes long-term goals difficult to maintain. A trauma-informed approach to the new year isn’t about discipline. It’s about understanding how your brain and body respond to pressure — and building goals that work with your nervous system, not against it. Why Trauma Survivors Struggle with Follow-Through Trauma affects focus, self-trust, and pacing. It creates a cycle where you set a goal, push too hard too fast, burn out, and then feel ashamed for stopping. This isn’t a lack of willpower — it’s a survival strategy. When your nervous system senses threat (even internal pressure), it triggers fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. This makes long-term follow-through incredibly difficult without emotional regulation tools in place. Start With Body-First Regulation Before goals, you need grounding. A regulated body makes sustainable change possible. Practices like slow breathing, mindfulness, somatic grounding, and EMDR resourcing help shift your system from “I must do everything right now” into “I can take the next step.” Consistency becomes far easier when your body feels safe enough to move forward. Avoid the All-or-Nothing Mentality Many high-functioning women live in extremes because perfectionism was once tied to emotional survival. When you grow up walking on eggshells or striving to be “the good one,” anything less than perfect feels like failure. A trauma-informed approach encourages flexible structure instead: Small steps. Gentle adjustments. More pacing. Less pressure. Choose Goals Rooted in Identity, Not Obligation Instead of “I need to change because something is wrong with me,” shift toward: “I want to build a life that feels aligned with who I’m becoming.” When goals reflect self-worth instead of self-criticism, they become easier to maintain. Mindfulness-Based Planning Helps You Slow Down Mindfulness encourages presence, and presence decreases overwhelm. When you plan from a grounded state, your goals become more realistic and achievable. This prevents the cycle of burnout, regret, and starting over every January. Therapy Supports Consistent Change Trauma-informed therapy helps you understand your patterns, regulate your emotions, and set goals rooted in safety — not survival mode. EMDR, CBT, and mindfulness all support clients in building sustainable habits based on compassion rather than pressure. If you want 2026 to feel different — not heavier — Fit Counseling can help you create goals that honor your nervous system, not overwhelm it. Schedule a virtual session at www.fitvirtualcounseling.com .